Trying to get back with your ex is like walking a tightrope – lean too far in one direction and you’ll instantly lose all of your progress. There are reasons things ended in a breakup, and it will take a healthy dose of confidence and creativity to patch things up.
It certainly isn’t impossible to make your ex fall in love with you again, but you can dramatically increase your chances by avoiding the top 10 mistakes listed below.
10. Using Threats
Remember when your parents would make you kiss your grandma? There was something about the forced affection that made it a little “icky”. Well the same principle applies to your ex. The more you try to make them do something, the faster they will run in the other direction.
9. Begging and Pleading
Not only does this tactic rarely work, but it also destroys your confidence and self-esteem. Your ex will be embarrassed by your weakness, and your friends will find it just plain pathetic.
8. Getting Drunk
We’re all entitled to one night of drinking our sorrows away, but any more than that is counterproductive to winning back love. Alcohol increases your chances of saying or doing something stupid. The odds are already against you – you can’t afford to make it worse.
7. Apologizing
This is a tricky one… especially if you know the breakup is your fault. The key is to apologize with some dignity. It is OK to say you’re sorry, but avoid taking the blame for everything that was wrong with your relationship (see Mistake #9).
6. Trashing Friends
Your ex’s friends will undoubtedly turn against you after a breakup. They are going to side with their comrade no matter what. But be careful not to let their gossiping get you fired up. Trash talking about them will only make things worse. You need more support (not more enemies) if you are going to succeed at winning back your ex.
5. Settling for Less
No one is going to be jealous of you for hooking up with the neighborhood tramp. Keep your standards high and prove to your ex that they are the only one on your radar. Avoiding Mistake #8 will make this a lot easier.
4. Bringing Down the Party
No one likes to spend their time with depressed people, primarily because it brings them down too. You can lean on your friends for support, but if you want to keep them around then you have to help yourself. We all know the person who rambles on about their ex at every opportunity – don’t let it be you.
3. Low Blows
Telling everyone embarrassing stories about your ex or spreading rumors will make you feel good in the short term, but it is guaranteed to come back to haunt you. The “he said/she said” game can take the smallest flake of snow and turn it into an avalanche. You've heard the old saying: “If you don’t have something nice to say, then don't say anything.”
2. Using the F-Word
You are going to have to start at the bottom once you start rebuilding your relationship, and it is very important for your ex to know that the ultimate goal is getting back together. For this reason you need to avoid using the word “friends”. Describing your relationship this way really gives your ex the opportunity to take advantage of you. You can play nice and play to win at the same time.
1. Letting Yourself Go
Nothing increases the odds against getting your ex back like adding 20 pounds, dying your hair red, or otherwise giving up on your appearance. This is the time to look your best. Start working out, get some new clothes, and focus on improving yourself. You don't want your ex to think you're just another loser looking for attention.
So there you have it – ten simple things to avoid when trying to get back with your ex. Now that you know what NOT to do, you can turn your attention to what you should do. A good place to begin is with these 3 steps to getting your back.