Why is it that the harder you try to win your ex back the more distant they become? The answer can be found in the simple economics model of supply and demand. The more available a product is (you), the less demand it generates from the customer (your ex).
As you become more desperate to fix your breakup you begin to sacrifice everything for another chance with your ex. You start to settle and do things you normally would never consider, and this actually makes you less attractive to your ex. In most cases, they didn't leave you to gain power over you. They left because you didn't have enough control over them! Let's think about it for a minute.
Most people who get dumped think it was because they didn't cater to their lovers needs. They believe they are not “good enough” to be loved. Feeling this way creates a submissive mindset where you do anything to make your boyfriend or girlfriend happy. But is this what they really want? No matter how much you think this is this case, the truth is we really want a partner who is strong-minded and challenges us to be our best.
The reality is that a one-sided relationship is boring. When one person makes all the decisions there are no challenges or incentives for him or her to stay around. After all, if you had all the money in the world how much would you care about losing $1000? Almost everyone we know would be ecstatic to find a $1000 bill lying on the ground, but if you could walk in your house and grab one whenever you wanted the excitement would wear off quickly.
What your ex really wants is to be challenged, entertained, and stimulated. They want to be introduced to new experiences with someone who shares similar interests. By the time they consider breaking up they have already become bored with your relationship. They begin to see a world of potential outside of your life together, and all they want is for someone to show them what lies outside of the safe little box you have both settled for.
The good news is that things don't have to end this way if you recognize the situation and make changes. Of course some relationships will take more work to repair than others, but there is no reason your ex has to leave you to find what he or she is looking for. You simply need to identify their thirst for excitement and quench it for them.
Don't forget that even if your ex is dating someone else you still an inside advantage. You already know what turns them on and off. Use this insight to get into their head, grab their attention, and spark their curiosity. Play the role of the hunter and show them a side of yourself that they never knew existed. Don't talk about what you are going to do or how you are going to change…take action and confidently lead the way.
The key to enticing your ex back is to maintain a constant level of anticipation and uncertainty about what you are going to do next. They don’t want to know everything about you all at once, they want to wonder. So, no matter how tempting it may be to talk about how things are going to be different, keep your mouth shut and let your actions do the talking.
Finally (and perhaps most importantly), you have to help them visualize your future together. You need them to see that you are headed somewhere special together. They want you to have a life goal or an achievement you can pursue together. In other words, they want you to know what you want from life and how it will help them realize their own dreams. If they can't see themselves with you next month then there is no reason for them to stick around today!
So ask yourself, can you give your ex what they really want? Are you willing to break through the boundaries that have cost you your true love? Once you have the mindset for success you can begin to work on getting back with your ex.